Failed to give way to BMW on Sunday 14th September 2008, at the intersection of Mill Point Rd and Coode St, South Perth, at approx 12:25pm. Occupants of the other vehicle was a mother and her 10yr son. Both occupants are well, however the son was injured in the teeth and nose from the deploying passenger side airbag.
Passer-by-ers helped calm the mother down, providing water and tissue. Ambulance an police were notified, and the stricken BMW was pushed off the side of the road.
Ambulance arrive to checked us all, and mother and son were taken to the emergency room for observation. Before leaving, we swapped details and the mother thanked me for being helping with the ambulance and pushing their car.
Car is written off and is to be assessed by the insurers.
Dampier trip: Flew from Perth domestic Airport to Karatha Airport. Picked up hire car from Avis, a blue 2007 Holden wagon. Holdens are abit odd to drive, stiff steering and pedals. Makes you feel like you have to fight to get it up to speed and take corners, but gave a smooth ride had cruise control and most essentially when traveling the Aussie outback, air-con. Rio Tinto Dampier Salt mines salt....duh. Produces and exports approx 10 million tonnes of salt annually. Very cooperative people. Photo shoot lasted 2.5 days, in which I stayed in All Seasons Karatha. Excellent lamb-shanks and has the best pecan pie.
Port Hedland: Drove from Karatha to Port Hedland, approx 4.5 hrs. Before making the trip, was required to implement a buddy system. Basically, to contact HQ as well as Rio Tinto Port Hedland to let them know when I was leaving, how long I expected to take, and what time I would arrive. I was also required to be supplied with a travel pack, consisting of 10L of water, thermal blankets, radio, GPS tracker, emergency supplies, first aid pack and some general tools in case of breakdowns. Unfortunately the travel pack was off site, so they gave me a print out map and a 3L disposable water esky and sent me on my merry way. I apparently survived the trip.
Rio Tinto Port Hedland also mines salt. Producing approx 30 million tonnes of salt annually. The process of mining salt is simple in theory, simply gather a large amount of sea water, and let it evaporate, then continual to pump more sea water and allow to evaporate, until you have a super saline lake of water. When the saline reaches the right concentration, the water is then pumped into a crystalizer pool and allowed to dry off completely. The resulting salt is then harvested, washed and shipped off. The entire process takes 2 to 3 years.
Jo and Jos wedding: Returned from Port Hedland just in time for Jo and Jos' wedding. service was at Mt Pleasant Baptist Church, the same church Ge and Lara got married in. Reception at Botanic Room Burswood. Very sweet.
Lake Macleod: Flew from Perth domestic to Carnarvon. 2.5 hour flight with a stop off in Geraldton. Flew over Monkey Mia, the region where land and sea meets is quite visually striking. Silt and other sedimentary deposits are washed in and out by the currents to form kilometers long swirls of red and blue that stretch across the entire coast line. You go Elohim!
Photo shot at Lake Macleod lasted 3 days, during which I was put up at Gateway Motel Carnavon. Very nice buffet.
Ah Top Gear, dulls the pain... (if you have never heard the above quote, go watch more BBC)
Events: Been a while...
Auntie went missing on the 5th or 6th of January. She wandered the streets for nearly a week before being found in tragic circumstances by Uncle and their daughter. She suffered from post-traumatic depression, which had slowly crippled her and shrunk her world for years.
On Sunday 6th Jan (I think...) we were informed of her disappearance went to their house hold to offer support and help with the search. We broke off into search parties of two and searched schools, parks, shopping areas, schools, etc. A missing persons report had been filed and hospital emergency rooms had be checked. By night the family was exhausted having been up for 48 hours looking for their lost mother and wife. For such a tragic loss, the family kept up an amazingly strong front, keeping the home filled with family and close friends, cooking, chatting and sharing a laugh or two.
Took a photo in the evening and went knocking door to door, asking the neighbours if they have seen her pass by. On hind sight, that should have been the first thing we should have done, but we did not know how much of the situation the family wanted to make public yet. The first guy thought I was trying to sell something, kept saying "not interested", and kept trying to close the door on me. He was apologetic after I finally convinced him I was not a sales man. One neighbour thought he had seen a chinese woman walk by his place towards the shopping centres, but the trail ended there. People are kind when given the right circumstances.
As the week rolled on, we kept in contact by email and phone, and more family rolled in. The search momentum begun to snow-ball into movement as the news went public, the police officially declared her a missing person and were preparing a canvasing campaign. The family started putting up flyer's around the neighbourhood and confidentiality was thrown to the wind.
Their son-in-law began to organise a massive search party. Emails flew helter-skelter, and the grape-vine burst into firery-life, everyone threw in their lot and volunteered their time, the mob assembled for a great good. Uncle, who began to lose hope on Monday would tear up later at the thought of the mount ian of support, understanding and compassion. But the search never happened.
On Thursday 10th of Jan (my dates are alittle hazy), The family received a call from a couple of good samaritans that they say Auntie near Leach and Shelly. Later they were given a tip that she may be near the shopping complex around that area. The family went searching again.
It was then that Uncle and his youngest daughter were inexplicably moved to search Bunnings hardware.
People often say they heard a voice telling them to run, or duck, or by that ticket. Or they just felt that the had to do this or go there, usually just in the nick of time, for one momentous moment of fate. As if a higher power was looking out for them and telling them where to go and what to do.
Uncle, of course knows that voice intimately, not only from times of disaster and need, but also from times of blessings and abundance. The voice that teaches, comforts and creates. That voice was undeniably Abba's (God the Father, not the Swedish band...) And His timing could not have been more timely and urgent. I shudder to think what would have happen, if Uncle had missed that kairos appointment.
The husband found the wife and the daughter the mother, hanging from branch, a nylon rope tied around her neck, her body spasming from the lack of air. The husband ran to prop up his wife, the daughter ran for help, returning with a Burnings manager to cut down her mother, and an ambulance was called.
Auntie rested and recovered in Femantle hospital. Prayers flowed, from family, friends, and church. Mom and I visited her when she was finally moved from ICU to a general ward. She looked thin, she had tremors, but was happy to see us. We chatted for a while. She asked if I was still single. An Auntie will always be an Auntie.
Auntie was released to go home last week Thursday the 7th Feb (or so). Visited her on Saturday 9th, she looked very well, more plump, and in good spirits. Uncle gave me some figs. Auntie walked up while we were eating and popped a fig, whole, into her mouth. As she joined us at the table, Uncle opened another fig and showed me its contents, saying "you must always look for worms in figs before you eat it". We spent the next few minutes reassuring Auntie that the fig she ate had a good possibility of being worm free. 50/50 - good odds. And besides, the stomach acid will kill anything (sort of...) ....they've got very good pills for these things these days.
She didn't seem convinced. Don't think she will be eating fruit for a while.
My last blog entry asked God to give me a "bitch-slap" to get me out of a stupid and childish funk. That was one heaven of a slap.
Go hug your mom, or give her a call. Tell your family and those you love you love them. Give a friend or even a stranger who looks down and out a warm smile and let them know they matter.
You know better than to continue being silly and selfish. There are a lot more important things to take care of.
Events: Jade's New Years Party (begining part of it anyway, had a nice chat with Eddie), New Years Eve - Disco night at Browlie's (Billy Ocean, I remember that guy), Jon's after new years drinks night (thanks for CoH:OF, much appreciated)
Thoughts: Donald Miller's "Searching for God Knows What", a book of insights and thoughts, expressing insights and observations on life and God that I can relate to very well. A very good read.
One topic that's sicks out is his observations that humans are missing something very important. We are hard wired to receive input from external sources - to be told who we are, to given affirmations, to be recognised, but ultimately to be loved and appreciated by another. Before the Fall, God was the source of this input. Through God, Adam and Eve knew who they were, knew love and fellowship. But after the fall, that bond was broken and we are left with a void we are consistently trying to fill.
Miller observes that this is why we are so addicted and affected by what other people say and think about us, we somehow cannot self-substantiate ourselves. John 5:31, 32 - "If I testify about myself, my testimony is not valid. There is another who testifies in my favor, and I know that his testimony about me is valid." Once God was missing in our lives, it makes sense that we would try to fill in the gap with anything we can find - other people, work, other gods, etc. Like trying to replace the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle with play-doe, sure you fill the gap, but it doesn't give you the full picture.
This would explain why I consistently feel the need for affirmation. To be told that I'm good, that I've done a good job, that I'm liked, loved, welcomed, wanted, thought of well, remembered and when I'm gone, missed. To know that I matter to someone very important to me. But this would also explain why the input I get from family and friends does not seem to last, and I consistently need another fix of "good work, well done", another reminder that I'm accepted, liked and welcomed.
I've recently learned the difference between jealousy and envy. Jealousy is when you want something that you have every right to have. Envy is when you want something that you have no right to have. The difference between a husband desiring the attention of his wife, and a stranger desiring the attention of another man's wife. Subtle, but not.
In a twisted way, I can say with confidence, I've never been jealous of another man's relationship or possessions. However, I have to confess, envy does rear it's ugly head time and time again. The good news is, what I want is not their women or their material possessions, or their talent, or their fame and fortune. What I want is the seemingly never exhausting lifestyle of relationship apparently associated and/or generated by these trappings. To go out with friends, to have coffee and a good chat with someone close to you, to live and grow with and share each others lives, etc.
To those who are blessed enough to have that tight group of individuals, that certain one and only, or that companion for life, if you don't realise it yet or have forgotten, wake the fudge up and smell the coffee, realise how fortunate and bless and rich you are.
So Lord, here I am, I feel like I'm significantly separated from human contact, and I know that ultimately you are the only one that can fill this need. So I'm all yours, do something already. But need I remind you, you did say "love your neighbours as you love yourself" and you have told us that we need to fellowship, take care of each other, edify and build each other up. So you can't really keep distancing me from everyone, or let me continue distancing and excluding myself (consciously or unconsciously) from the social scene. What will people say when they see that the result of a life devoted to you Lord is one of loneliness and regrets? My social skills are sub-par, I can't seem to develop deep friendships, and I have no earthly idea how to chat up a girl. Throw me a bone already Lord. You already are the strongest and most confident part of my life. But I feel I'm missing out on a whole mess of life abundantly. Rescue me already! Or, if I'm looking at this whole thing the wrong way and not seeing the forrest for the trees, bitch slap me awake.
Events: Christmas, Light-house Taiwanese outreach, FGA 1st inaugural fishing trip at Point Peron, Tan's Birthday.
Thoughts: I had to re-sculpt my dragon. Been spending these last two days tweaking the model, adjusting UV maps and re-sculpting. While this exercise has been quite a setback the flip side is more practice with 3ds and Mud-box. As a result, what originally took me a week to achieve only took two days to recreate. I expect another day or so to add the finer details to the model, then I can begin texturing and rigging. After which, I should be able to assemble some props (swords, armor, shields, etc).
Events: Tony, Jeremy, Hui Tiao boot camp training (ow my aching obliques), Agape Summer Enrich, TV died.
Weather: The first two days of summer were cold and wet. Seven days into it and its still cool. Today was a very pleasant day, clear skies of blue with streaks of white, bright sun with a slight bite, topped of with cool breeze. Climate does interesting stuff, but I'm sure we will pay for it later in Feb. Still, here's to hoping for snow in Perth.
Events: Happy Birthday to Hui, family lunch at Nandos, Blueberry Continental Cheesecake. Student Bless - Mom's beef rendang was a success, 10 kg is a lot of meat. Heroes Se2 ep 5,6,7,8,9 - For the record, I was right about the Kensei thing. Predictable but still good.
Thoughts: Stupid brain. Too self conscious, too analytical, always examining, never comfortable. At the same time, rarely focused, prone to wandering, leaking like a sieve. Too much self, have to keep reminding me to take a step back. Future me, step back. Take a look at the the good stuff and be happy. I really hope something good will come form all this overly-sensitive-emotional-thinky-reflective-sappy-karp. I want to hold Mia.
Events: Abalone fishing at North Beach on Sunday morning 7 to 8am- Current restrictions allows only a narrow window for enthusiast (pretty much every asian off the boat/plane). Apologies to the Australian rangers on behalf of the chinese people. To nearly eradicating an aquatic species, we say "whoops, my bad".
Guitar Hero Saturday at Tony's - Wiiiiiiiii. Co-ordination is a must, a good sense of rhythm and the ability to independently move one's left pinky finger will assuredly ensure success at this fun (but stupid because I suck at it) game.
Appreciation BBQ at Uncle Fred and Auntie Marcine - 1/45 Rochester Ave, Beckingham. They are truly the genuine article. Though her body has been failing due to age and wear, Auntie Marcine refuses to stop. Convicted to love and care for others, she and Uncle Fred have built up a legacy of those blessed, comforted and loved. They continue their outreach to the hospitals, Brownlie Towers, Northbridge, and many more.
The harvest is ready, the workers are few, but those few who have answered His call are dedicated, true, and worthy to be called friends, sons and daughters. I am at awe with those two, and am glad I can have a small part in helping them in their life long pursuits.
Thoughts: I am a man. No longer a child, a boy, or a youth. I'm pretty sure I haven't lived life to the fullest, but am also sure I haven't wasted it either. There have certainly been times when I've been idle too long and slacked from developing myself, but there are also many other times when I've pushed myself to breaking to accomplish my goals, to meet responsibilities and fulfill promises. I know I am capable of much, yet I forget so easily. Step by step the answers are falling in place. The trick is, to keep doing good and not evil while I'm still not sure of the final outcome.
To anyone who I've wronged or acted disgracefully against, forgive me. Know that for those I love, I would have rather endured than for you to feel pain. But I am not God, and the fact that I should think this way, again proves the point. Only the immature and unwise would overlook the importance of trials and frustrations. I've grown because of my mistakes and burdens, and so shall you.
I am a man now, the hard stuff will be faced and overcomed, I can be sure of that. Its just going to hurt a hell of a lot.
Melbourne Cup Day in the office. Hope everyone else is having a nice relaxing day at work. My horse is 'Dolphin Jo', a rather bad name for a land mammal who is expected to run fast. Pizza lunch on the boss, Cascade Premium Light beer is by far the worse tasting beer I've tried. I've had herbal medicine with the consistency of tar and the aroma of feet taste better.
A movie adaptation of the Halo series was planned by Bungie Studios / Microsoft and to be co-financed by Universal Studios and 20th Century Fox in 2006. Announced in 2005, the movie was to be produced by Peter Jackson and special effects handled by Weta Digital. The script was to be adapted by screenwriter Josh Olson, and to top it off, the movie was to be directed by Neill Blomkamp
Peter Jackson and Josh Olson have proven their worth with cinematic past works, but what most excited the masses was the involvement of the relatively unknown Neill Blomkamp, a Vancouver based director of short-films and advertisements. Neill is widely known for his hand-held-documentary-style techniques (cinéma vérité, think Saving Private Ryan's opening scene), and famous for his seamless blend of real-naturalistic and photo realistic-CG effects. All on a shoe string budget.
Unfortunately, Universal and 20th Century Fox did some back stabbing and the movie has been effectively canceled. There are whispers among the online faithful that the Halo movie will be resurrected, Peter Jackson himself committing to the cause, yet, hope is fleeting due to the rumoured production cost price-tag of $135 million.
As a token gesture to appease the global masses of Halo fans, Peter Jackson and Neill Blomkamp produced a short-live-action film showing a glimpse of what could have been. A key point is, the following video was produced in a relatively short time-frame and, again, on a very meager budget. However, the results achieved by their combined efforts, utilizing a fraction of the Weta Studio's resource, leaves everyone pinning for more.
Just imagine what they could have done with $135 Mil! *sigh.... such is life.
Events: Bent front left rim hitting a curb, bought a Nikon D70s (second-hand $700, thanks Kenny Ho), talked to Joseph Lee about taxes and confirmed that H&R Block are a bunch of amateurs who charge excessively and provide mediocre taxation advice.
Thoughts: Existence is big. Physical and personal perception limits what we see and experience. Burdens and trauma further narrow our field of vision, and whatever is left is far less than awe inspiring vista that creation is. It is most likely something humans are not capable (or meant to) fully experience. Much like the instinct to shield our eyes when we look to the sun, our perception may be intentionally limited for our own protection. Should we try to take everything in, our brains would most likely explode.
A reoccurring theme in Science Fiction is that should a man attain immortality in a deity-like status, he/she would inevitably go insane, or become bored and wish for an end, or get usurped and murdered, or crushed horribly by an alien race. On one hand, this may be speaking of man's inherent understanding that immortality is ultimately futile. On the other hand, conflict sell books.
Friends, Family, random people of the net, lend me your ears.... well eyes anyway. A good insight was shared by Mabel, FGA worship-facilitator-leader, during Wednesday's practice. She shared with us a chapter from a 100-year plus book called Pax Vobiscum, written by a man named Henry Drummond in the 1900's. The author shows amazing depth and insights into His word, one of which I NEED to make known to all those I hold dear who call the Lord their God.
The chapter concerns Mathew 11:28-29 (KJV) "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls".
One of the most misunderstood paragraphs in the bible, as believers and non-believers have always been perplexed as to why Jesus who came to set us free would want to put a yoke on us? Why would he want to add additional burdens on those he loves and wishes to save?
There has been many interpretations and philosophies over this verse, and I beg leniency if I step on any toes, but for the most part, we have been reading this verse wrong. As Henry puts it, "it is astounding how so glaring a misunderstanding of this plain sentence should ever have passed into currency."
Firstly, what is a yoke? What is it for? Is it to be a burden to the animal which wears it? The truth is just the opposite. The yoke has often been used as a symbol of oppression, subjugation and servitude, but we must realise, the true purpose of a yoke is to make its burden light.
Much like a lever or pulley, the yoke is a useful tool to make work easier. It physically re-distributes pressure evenly on the animal's ox's shoulders as it pulls the plough. Attached to the oxen any other way than a yoke, the plough would be intolerable. Can you imagine trying to pull in a fishing line without a reel or gloves? Your hand would be sliced to the bone.
"The yoke is not an instrument of torture; it is an instrument of mercy. It is not a malicious contrivance for making work hard; it is a gentle device to make hard labour light." In that light, those who would expect his/her ox to pull a plough without a yoke, they are the true torturers.
Christ implored us to put on HIS yoke. But Henry Drummond emphasises, Jesus was not referring to the word "yoke" in the same sense as in the expression "to be under the yoke", but rather refers to a simple harness or ox-collar of the Eastern peasant. Do not forget, Christ was a carpenter! He would have made hundreds of yokes during his time on earth.
"He would know the difference between a smooth yoke and a rough one, a bad fit and a good fit. A rough yoke galled, and the burden was heavy, the smooth yoke caused no pain and the load was lightly drawn."
Surely the son of God would excel at his trade and have an excellent work ethic to produce quality products :) Jesus of Nazarene most likely had a good reputation for the craftsmanship of his yoke. His yokes were custom made to the individual oxen, they would be tailored to fit the animal perfectly and to be most effective for removing the burden from the required work.
The second part of the chapter talked of The "burden". This is not some special burden laid upon the Christian, some unique infliction that he alone must bear. The burden is what ALL men must bear. The burden was life. Human life itself, the general burden of life which all must carry from cradle to the grave.
"Christ saw that men took life painfully. To some it was a weariness, to others failure, to many a tragedy, to all a struggle and a pain"
HOW to carry this burden of life is the problem, and this is Christ's solution, this is his custom-made-to-fit-and-suit-you-individually-tool:
"Carry it as I do, Take life as I as I take it. Look at it from My point of view. Interpret it upon My principles. Take My yoke and learn of Me, and you will find it easy. For My yoke is easy, works easily, sits right upon the shoulders, and therefore my burden is light."
Henry Drummond goes on to say, there is no suggestion that religion will absolve any man from bearing burdens, that would be to absolve him from living. What Christianity does propose, is to make it tolerable. Men harness themselves to the work and stress of life in clumsy and unnatural ways. Our harness is antiquated, rough, ill-fitting and causes strain and friction past enduring. Christ's yoke is His prescription for the best and happiest method of living. As God and man, he would be best to understand life and how it was meant to be lived.
An example: to look upon life from My point of view. Interpret it upon My principles. The weight of a load depends upon the attraction of the earth - a.k.a Gravity. A ton is crushing to a man, but what if the attraction of the earth were removed? A ton on the moon where the attraction of gravity is less, does not weigh half a ton. Christianity removes the attraction of the earth, this is one way it diminishes men's burden. By merely altering the perspective of life and changing the proportions of things, the cares of men are lightened.
"Christianity as Christ taught is the truest philosophy of life ever spoken.... Other versions are either caricatures, or exaggerations, or misunderstandings, or short-sighted and surface readings...But I care not who the person is, or through what vale of tears he has passed, or is about to pass, there is a new life for him along this path."
This is "a new thing" that God has shown me. And now I wish to share with you. It speaks to me how small and childish my way of looking at His ways has been. I understand now why Paul said to put away childish things, they are of no consequence any more. How many more so called paradoxes have we been labouring over, that are not really contradictions, but rather simple, if only we would read them correctly? How narrowed have we made our lives with petty restrictions, or calling for self-denial where none was necessary?
If we continue to view such verses as Mathew 11 as we have done in ignorance, we come to the conclusion that Christians are at best the victims of a depressing fate; their life is a penance; and their hope for the next world purchased by a slow martyrdom in this. This was not what God send Jesus for. Through Christ, we are VICTORS. By his blood the penance is already PAID. Our hope for the next world is bought by HIS GRACE, not our sacrifice.
Can you not see that He meant for us to have life, and life abundant, full of joy, content, and only the truest good things? My friends and family, we have a very very good God.
Today was a rendering day. Rendering days involve a lot of sitting and waiting, punctuated by moments of tweaking, lunch, more tweaking, rounded off with more waiting. Rendering takes alot of time and alot of patience, especially when your trying to put some effort into the final product...
As today was a rendering day, it was also a You-tube day. Nothing like hitting the "go" button then sitting back and spending an afternoon of escapism with some BBC goodness, also known as Top Gear. For those who have never heard of it, Top Gear is a "car-review" show. Currently in its 10th season, the show is presented by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May and The Stig (recently renamed "Cuddles") and has an estimated audience of 8 million viewers each week. Nice little plug, too bad no commission.
Note the use of double-quotations marks and italics, as over the years, Top Gear has evolved a few extra features, such as seeing if a Toyota Hylux really is indestructible by blowing up a 20 story apartment block around it, and the always enjoyable clay pigeon shooting sessions with Nissan bluebirds and rocket propelled grenades.
Events: Daniel and Joanna's Wedding on the 6th October, 2007, at Cottesloe Civic Centre. Weather was (for the lack of a better word) perfect. Sun was high, live violin and piano duet, and a special operatic performance by Daniel's uncle Claude (a.k.a Luigi from WA salvage... small world).
Lester, ling and Julian provided vocals, Julian donated mics and radios as well as his violin to the cause. Darren and Chi Yen (I hope that's how its spelt) accompanied on acoustic guitars and provided some ambient music during the pre-service meet and greet. Mabel rounded up the act with her keys.
PA equipment and a sound techie (Gary) were provided by Sound Solutions. Helped with organising and coordinating the booking, setup and service itinerary.
Reception was at the Sheraton hotel on Adelaide Tce. Sat at table 18 with Wai Kin, Adriel, Aaron Chin, Darren, Chi Yen, Joel and Tiffany. Ladies received wooden fans and men cuff-links. Will have to buy a cuff-link shirt! Dinner was four / five course (I find it difficult to include coffee and chocolates a "course"). Foods I particularly desert, vanilla ice-cream rolled in pistachio on top of fruit tart.
Attended the 2007 Autodesk conference on Friday 12th October, showcasing the latest features for 3Ds Max 2008, Maya 2008, and Motion Builder.
Max received some significant upgrades to its resource management components, Adaptive Degradation has been improved to the extent that a laptop could comfortably cope with 13 Million polygons on screen. Lighting and Shaders have also been greatly improved, focusing on speeding up pre-viz and production pipelines.
Motion Builder has piped my interest. It is a animation building program that provides dynamic total body IK to biped (human-oid) character rigs, as well as custom multi-limbed rigs (like a scorpion). I'll have to check it out and see if I can't use it for Snow.
Thoughts: Perhaps I have become too 'spiro', as Hock Cheng puts it. Or maybe even legalistic? We need to recognize the existence and significance of the spiritual side of life, and possibly living your life as a worship to God means you have to come to terms that there can no longer be a "real-life" and a "church-life". Should we see the two as one or mearly counter weight arms revolving with God in the centre? Puting things in a nice philosophical picture is all fine and good, but living it in a practical sense is a whole-nother-kettle-of-fish.
Feelings of disconnection continues to run rampant and increasingly, living by the word just seem to make matters worse. One conclusion is that I'm approaching these things from a legalistic perspective without listening to and discerning with the spirit. Another is that 'self' is still the cause and motivation of my choices and actions, and as we all know, glorifying self can only lead to lightning bolts up certain orifices.
Welcome and fellowship continues to pop up from unexpected places. I stand by my commitments and pledges until I receive 'new orders'. I hope the Lord will grant me direction soon, even if it comes in the form of rebukement.
Events: I-Camp at Bindoon, Ratatouille with Hui, Lancelin / Pinnacles Day trip
Highlights: Bottled first wine bottle, Horse tried to eat right thumb, Caught a fish with bread, Rat controlled human cooking over-priced under-sized french cuisine (I love that show), 8-Day Weekend, Cut-down 1.5 trees, Broke chainsaw, Played footy on a beach, Sand-boarding at Western Barrier Dunes, Damaged and desecrated WA landmark, Got lost on country roads with a near empty fuel tank at night, Head-butted my first soccer ball! (hurts like a donut)
Farewell to Nick Carne, fellow Cell-Media designer. Nick was our resident 3D guy, a good source of information, a fellow COH player, and will be spending the next year traveling Europe.
"Warning, this rant contains verbal insanities that are my confessions of the existence of, belief in and reliance on a creator God (note the big 'G'), His son (the big 'J'), and His Holy Spirit (look a big 'S' too!). Non believers may be offended or absolutely non-pulsed, and may want to turn to another channel now, but are welcomed to stay for the ride. Product may contain traces of nuts."
Now you have.
Alright, was feeling like absolute crap today. Trying to get a handle on the situation with the friend(s) I've messed up with (read prev blog for details). We've aired out the problem, hopefully expressed all our feelings on the matter, now we can move on right? Wrong!
Because now is when the repercussions of the hurting starts hitting. Trust has been broken, hurts need to be healed, boundaries need to be reestablished, and embarrassment and awkwardness abound.
And in the middle of it all, the enemy prowls, kicking you when you're down, provoking your insecurities and generally being a pain in the arse. Although he's not entirely to blame, I just can't seem to keep my big fat mouth shut.
I'm second guessing everything, wondering if I've said the right thing and or have I only made matters worse. Or if I don't do anything, maybe I'm still repressing something which needs to be aired and not taking enough action and being neglectful.
Was reading T.D.Jakes this morning. He wrote that when Lazarus was raised from the dead, he was still bound by his burial cloth and was very stinky. In the same way, when we come back from the brink (drugs, alcohol, personal-crisis, etc) we may be restored and ready to get on with it, but those who have been around us when we were "dead" have been hurt and seriously affected by what happened.
And so you come back only to be greeted with cautious silence and nervous handshakes. You are still bound! Which adds to you're frustrations, "I've just gone through utter hell to get back and this is it?!?"
Thing is, you can't unbind yourself. Only those you have hurt and shaken can release you. So healing and rebuilding is the name of the game now. Patience, open communication, and forgiveness are rules. Which is fine, if only the bloody devil would stop harassing me for every step I take or every pause I give. But then again, that's what he does isn't it? He will try everything in the book to prevent the healing process, cuz he knows that if you stay bound, you'll just end up dying all over again and never move on.
So alright, bring in on! I'm almost 100% certain I got everything off my chest, and I'm sticking with it till God tells me otherwise. I'm keeping the communication lines open, so that healing can continue. I'm going to continue working along my friend(s) side and be there for him/her when they are in need like I used to. I'm going to earn back their trust and trust them back by giving them all the time and space they need.
Bring it on you pompous-arrogant-pride-filled-God-envying-wannabe! Lucifer, Satan, devil, enemy, or what ever guises you're hiding behind. I've got the Most High Lord God on my side, whose got your back loner? I've got His Son, Jesus (THE) Christ as my representative in court, and I've go the inside Word from His Spirit.
Want a knife fight? I've got a big fat sword (His word) and a great big shield (faith) too! I've got body armor (righteousness), a cool belt (truth) and boots that can walk on eggshells (peace). Gimme all you got, take your best shot, I've got my helmet on, I'm covered by Jesus's salvation. It's strapped on tight and held on by extra strength crazy glue! Lop my head off for all I care, salvation's coming right with me!
That said, he'll prob come at me with a siege tank now. But I've drawn my line in the sand. In Christ's name I ain't backing down and your not getting through! "Boo-ho, I'm the devil, I want to be God but I got my ass kicked". I don't fear you, and I know how cunning you are, but the great part is, I don't have to be too smart to beat ya. Jesus has already done that, and He's my homey! You can't touch me with out going through The Lord first boy-o.
God is good, He is merciful, and He is soooo much more smarter. He eats bad situations and mistakes for breakfast and spits out character and strength!
I know I must sound like a lunatic by now, but if I am going to constantly say stupid things, then lets praise God while I'm at it! 2 Samuel 6:21-22 "...I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes."
More Samuel! - 2 Samuel 7: 18 - 29 (New International Version, p430)
"...Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign Lord?
What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign Lord. For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant.
How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. And who is like your people Israel - the one nation on earth that God went out to redeem as a people for himself, and to make a name for himself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out nations and their gods from before your people, whom you redeemed from Egypt? You have established your people Israel as your very own forever, and you, O Lord, have become their God.
And now, Lord God, you keep forever the promise you have made concerning your servant and his house. Do as you promised, so that your name will be great forever. Then men will say, 'The Lord Almighty is God over Israel!' And the house of your servant David will be established before you.
O Lord Almighty, God of Israel, you have revealed this to your servant, saying, 'I will build a house for you.' So your servant has found courage to offer you this prayer. O Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign Lord have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever."
Amen.
Who's laughing now eh?!? (Insert mad laughter here)
Events: Newcomers dinner, Fabian's Graduation, Felicia's first time leading worship at Elevate, $300 fine and 3 demerit points for driving through a red light.
Highlights: Dim-sum with Hui and Mom at Welcome Inn on William. I forget sometimes that Hui is a full grown woman now, and facing very real and grown up problems. Found Halo 3 virtual museum tour (I love that show). Very powerful over-comers message on Sunday.
Thoughts: Had a heart to heart with Jie. She is facing some very tough challenges in the states. I must admit, my opinion of the USA has never been very high, but the description of living conditions over there is abysmal.
Second hand knowledge should always be tempered with personal research and you have to experience something yourself to make a honest assessment, but I'm going a to make a temporary prejudicial judgment and say the states are a horrible place to live for low income earners.
Thad's blog about the patheticness of blogging was in jest, but satire (and lies) that has impact (power, resonance, oomph) has to be based on a grain of truth. This acts as a key of sorts that allows the message access to your soft squishy bits (I really need a thesaurus). I assume to those who do not share the same truths it would merely be water off a ducks back, and for those who's truths are well grounded and whole, it would be "meh".
That saying, why do I blog? Too much time, wanting to reach out, result of restricted communication channels, wanting to show off, too lazy to upload photos, wanting to be apart of a group, peer pressure, a personal journal, a tool to help me remember events, people and places. Lets just say "all of the above", stir in a constructive perspective, and call it a day.
Notes: Lost the ability to chew during the weekend. Lower right wisdom tooth is pushing its way out through bone and flesh. It always amazes me how much we take something for granted when its taken away from us.
